things are settling down
i watch the celebrations
quietly
i cannot join in
but my pain has dulled
till i come upon a stray picture
a trench full of little faces
round eyes, soft limbs
a frightened huddle of all that is precious
My little Maxs face
and hands
and baby smell
just born somewhere else
the anguish returns, sharp and quick
where are you now, little Maxs
what did you see
which internment camp is your playground
which grave is your bed
Mommy brought home Bolt today, we had a family movie night – Max enjoyed the movie a lot. max and daddy has some special time together because mommy had to work later and didnt come home till 7. Max and daddy ordered chinese food and were watching the powerpuff girls when mommy got home.
Max had picked a vase of flowers for mommy yesterday.
Mommy is trying to convince max that the blue text screens before the start of a movie say that you hav eto kiss your mommy in order for the movie to stat. Max doesnt quite buy this but kissed mommy anyway – quite reluctantly.
We sanf “one little two little” today. “One liththul two litthul thwee liththul thilddwun – sitting on a wug!”
Max says he has a pet dog named Voltro. Voltro is small and likes to eat chicken and sauce and bugs. Voltro runs too fast and Max has to hold the leash and stay Sto–o-p! Voltro likes to play. Whats mommys dogs name? Whats daddy’s dogs name? We’re not talking about snakes, daddy, we’re talking about dogs! (Daddy tried to tell Ma xhis dogs name was snickers). Ok daddy, thats enough dogs – time to ask Elise her dogs name..
Elise stayed for dinner today. Max was very pleased. We all sat together and had sushi and tempura and then Max curled up in Elises lap and watched the Bee movie. He didnt want Elise to go home. Max wants to visit Elises home next time.
Max and Saura had got married at school yesterday. It was probably Sauras idea since Max doesnt know what getting married means. Apparantly they had had 5 kids and then their house cught on fire and they had to find a new house. When Elaine asked Max who his kids were, he had names several classroom toys and the class pets.
When Max doesnt want to go somewhere he points to the clock and sais “mommy, I want to tell you something – its sixty nine o clock, see? Its too late to go out”.
At bedtime, he says “Just sixteen more minutes, pleeease”
Tonight after we went to bed he said “ok, three deep breaths” – and proceeded to take several deep breaths of theatrical proportions, thensaid “ahh, now we can sleep” and settled down
Yesterday Max did a particularly difficult trick in Rachet and Clank and when mommy asked him how he did it, he said, “I pushed x, and circle, and used my ‘magination”.
Max says “Bacadabara” for Abracadabra.
Max wanted to play with some girls in his class today. The first group was playing doctor and when Max asked if he could join them, they refused. Then Max went to the reading corner, which is usually where Max and mommy read a book and then say goodbye – Max asked the girls if he could join them and they said “read it by yourself then” and huffed off. Mommy wanted to pick them all up and stick their snotty shrill heads in the garden mud. The teachers didnt say anything to the little morons either.
Max seemed happy when we came home though. Max and mommy played together a lot. Mommy made couscous and salmon and Max was highly suspicious of the couscous so mommy made him a cheese and avocado crepe. We read books, played droids and jedi, played at tickling, talked about our day, and played ratchett and clank. The boy is amazing, he can clear entire levels all by himself – and he is infinitely patient too.
When not ambushing mommy and leaping on her and pulling her to the ground or riding on her back like a shrimpy cowboy, Max has moments of real gentleness. Sometimes when mommy says something is her fault, he’ll pipe up ad say “no mommy, its ok, its not your fault”. When we went to bed tonight, Max held mommys head in his arms and petted her and said “there there, there there”
On Sunday we went to Union Square because Daddy had to buy a par of jeans. Max and mommy had fun at the Levis store for a while, riding up and down the spaceship-like elevator. Mommy asked Max if he liked any of the clothes and Max said, “Sure, lets get this, and this and this and this” happily pointing to all the clothes that were laid out. After a while, Max and mommy wen to Borders and read books, and went to Walgreens to buy some pens and a book, and drew pictures while sitting on the grass at the square.
Max missed his nap yesterday, and by 7 o clock, he was sitting in the bean bag with his head gently wobbling with tiredness, earnestly winking and blinking at the tv. Mommy fed him his dinner, wrapped him in a blanket, placed a pillow under his head, another between his legs, tucked the blanket under his feet, and left him there for a bit, to cook daddys dinner. Daddy sat and watched Walle with the little sleepy burrito – and he was alseep in 5 minutes. Max was so tired he slept from 7.30 at night till 7.30 in the morning (with the usual adventures to go to the bathroom and to snuffle hopefully for boob)
Max went to the playground with mommy and daddy. Max would, if allowed, spend hours riding the crappy bikes at school, but adamantly refuses to ride the beautiful expensive bike that mommy had persuaded daddy to get him for Christmas. He rides it for a bit and then is off, looking for new planets to conquer. Mommy secretly thinks its because daddy got him such a humongous bike, that its difficult to pedal. However, considering mommys complete and deep lack of skill at anything on wheels, she’s not going to bring it up.
So, Max and mommy and daddy ran races. One time Max was running a little crooked, sort of sideways – mommy didnt know why till he got closer – he was farting on mommy and daddy the whole way across the basketball court.
Max went camping tonight. He slept in his sleeping bag on the floor. He was super excited and ordered mommy to change the location of the sleeping bag, fetch him word books (grown up books), picture books, picture books with words, “a perfect book” etc. He had wrangled daddy into the camping experienc etoo, and daddy was absorbing our nightly, long drawn out before-bed rituals with quiet horror. Mommy later relentedx and came up with an excuse to let daddy out of the room, andMax finally settled down, after about 6 books, 4 drinks of water out of 4 different bottles and cups,2 trips to the potty, 2 differnt things to hold in his hand, and a final cuddle with mommy.
Max and mommy went to Cliff House today after work and school, for a hot cocoa. Max said he wanted “real food” and mommy asked him to finish up so she could take him home and make him a yummy dinner. The old mommy would have immediately bought him crab cake or somethign, but the new mommy is trying to save money so Max has a decent future. It still broke her heart a little bit though, not to be able to give him a treat.
Max had a rough end of day at school, he kept throwing fits when he had to share a bouncy ball. Mommys not sure what went wrong. Max has been eatign all his lunch every day, and also some of the school food. He’s also been eatign lots of fruit and ve with mommy. Today max watched a kids cooking show and made a treat – popcorn mixed with mango and walnuts. Another treat he likes to make is banana hotdogs – a banan in a hotdog bun with peanut butter, topped with jelly.
Max sometimes tells mommy “you can do it mommy, you’re a big mommy”
it was actually warm today! Mommy took Max and Daddy to Mels drive in for milkshakes after work. Its not really a drive-in, its a diner, but its called a drive in.
Mommys trying to live cheap but Mel cunningly offers enticing cardboard cars if you order a kids meal, so of course we ended up ordering food and busting mommys carefully crafted budget. Max was very relaxed, he’s becoming quite good at going out to eat. In fact, mommy and daddy were ready to go home long before Max was.
Max was very interested in the mini jukebox at our table, he put a ocin in and picked a song, but we had to wait till several other songs played, to hear our pick. Max was enthralled by the big jukebox at the doo, he kept watching the little bubbles go up the orange plastic strips – he wanted to know where the bubbles came from, and where they went. He spent quite some time trying to follow the bubbles. The world is suddenly a strange and exciting place when you’re with a Max. Maxsaid he wanted to eat a crabby patty with onions, tomatoes, lettuce, spinach, sauce, crunchies, pickles and swirly beans. He wont touch any of the above with a ten foot pole (except for swirly beans – mommys not sure what they are) but he’s obsessed by flipping patties, after some quality time watching spongebob.
Maxhad a good day at school, he went for a walk with Elise, came home and made sparkly catarpillars, and played game swith mommy too. We read several books and then Max wanted mommy to tell him a story about Ratchet and Clank and Max before he finally fell asleep. As Max would say it, The End.
Max and mommy finished Ratchet and Clank yesterday. It has been Maxs favourite game lately. It has been amazing for mommy to watch Maxs development – when we first started playing, Maxonly knew how to shoot things. Three months later, he can load a game, talk to people, pick different objects according to different situations, traverse entire levels, jump, do platforms, etc. Max and daddy got to bond a lot while playing the game, its something they both enjoy. Max has learned to trust daddy and daddy has learned to take turns and let Max do the fun bits.
Max has suddenly started eating Real Food! He has been eating tons of seafod, fruits and veggies, and eggs and some meat. Mommies not sure whats going on. Previously, he would make a face and spit out anything that wasnt perfectly creamy or cheesy. Now he is eating up celery, broccolli, salmon, black beans, rice, eggs, mangoes, strawberries, blackberries, spinach, etc.
The household is on a big push to save money and mommy and daddy have been commuting together. Daddy has been coming home at a decent time and helping mommy with the chores. Having an extra person around means both mommy and daddy have been able to send a lot more time with Max. Mommy can see a huge change in the little one, he now gets a lot of confort from daddy and seeks daddy out all the time. Its an immense relief for Mommy that there is someone else Max can turn to and be comforted by, it makes those fears of “what if I’m not here to take care of him” fears a little less horrible.
Max and Mommy sent some packets of milk to little kids in the north of sri lanka – the fighting is still going on, and thedaily slaughter of innocents continues.
Max has been readign a lot lately. Mommy has discovered that first thing in the morning is a great time to read because Maxs dynamo hasnt started up yet and he is calm and inquisitive. Max reads a lot at night too, at bedtime. Its mainly to prolong the night and be able to stay awake longer, but the extra reading time makes mommy very happy. Max curls up in mommys arms and we read lots of stories. Max is continuing to go to sleep without boob, and its become a little easier. He still nurses around 5 am because if mommy lets him get upset and cry at that time, he wakes up, is unable to sleep again, and his whole day is ruined because he’s so tired.
Its time now for mommy to go to bed, she hopes to go back to keepign the blog up regularly from now on.
Max was very upset yesterday, he had been crying during group time in the morning, “mommy I cry at circle time cause I didn’t winned, mommy, I didn’t winned” Mommy wishes she could scoop little max up and run away and hide and play till they are both very old.
Max needs to go to the bathroom at night sometimes and mommy carries him there because he’s so sleepy and it’s the perfect time to get a cuddle in, he snuggles into your arms trustingly and is a big soft strangely comforting bundle that makes mommy feel that everything is ok.
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